Updated: Sep 11, 2019
Despite efforts over the last few years to try and neutralize gender stereotypes, we still live in a culture in which gender roles significantly influence how men and women interact in relationships. Women all over the world for years have directly and indirectly been given the message that adult life begins and ends with being married and having children. Men on the other hand are often encouraged to enjoy their adult years, and settle down only after they’ve finished sowing their wild oats.
These messages have led to males and females approaching dating with vastly different styles with men seemly having an easy going, more relaxed attitude than woman. And while each gender has their own strength when it comes to pursuing relationships, this article is going to focus on strengths men have, that make them better at dating than women.
1. They Understand Their Value
I think this comes directly from living in a patriarchal society that emphasizes how easy it is for a man “to get” a woman, and how difficult it is for a woman “to get” a man. That message has been internalized by society, so much so that for centuries women have gone to the point of mutilating their bodies in order to get the attention of the opposite sex (think shoe binding in China, and corsets in North America). Society has set up dating so that men are approaching the women, and women are doing any and everything to be noticed in hopes that they will be approached by the men. This sets up a power dynamic and an increase in confidence that leads to men being more likely to approach relationships asking themselves “do I like this woman” where women are more likely to ask themselves “does this man like me”.
The confidence that comes from knowing your worth adds more value to you as a person than looks, money, or social status ever could. And the more we understand our value, the more likely we are to attract people to us who will also add value to our lives.
2. They Think More With Their Heads, Less With Their Hearts
Back when I used to practice therapy, I noticed a strange but interesting pattern. I would work with woman after woman who would end up in the same negative relationships for years. But time after time I would meet men who had one bad relationship, and moved on to find a partner who seemed to fit with them perfectly.
I feel like it boils down to something I’ve always admired greatly about men. Women seem to meet a man who checks all their boxes, and then they spend the entire relationship trying to make sure the guy falls in love with them. Men on the other hand, seem to meet a woman they are attracted to, and then spend the relationship deciding if the woman is a good fit for them. If they get it wrong the first time, they slow things down, and spend as much time as possible to make sure the next person will give them what they want. The more time a woman spends with a man on the other hand, the more invested she becomes in making the relationship work, regardless of if she feels he is as good of a fit for her as she thought when the relationship began. A man is less likely to continue on with a relationship he feels is not a good fit for him regardless of how he felt about the woman when he initially met her.
3. They Don’t Give Up Their Life in Search of Love
Women are more likely to sacrifice things like their friendships, extra curricular activities and future career prospects in pursuit of a potential long term relationship. Men are more likely to try and balance their relationship with other commitments in their life. They are also more likely than a woman to walk away from a relationship that requires they sacrifice every other aspect of their life.
It makes sense when you think about why; women are taught at an early age to put others before themselves. The nurturing side to most women makes them put everything aside to take care of those they love. The good thing is, that people in general are starting to understand the concept of entering into a relationship “whole”; where whole means having a life that is full with friendships, career goals, spiritual enlightenment, and passions that are currently being pursued. The more developed I am as a person, the more I am able to give you not necessarily all of me, but the best of me.
4. They Don’t Mind Kissing a Few Frogs
I often hear about women’s disappointment when they go out on a few dates with a guy and they don’t see any long term potential. I often get feedback that they feel the whole process was a waste of time and then they often start to spiral.
Men seem to be more relaxed about meeting and getting to know women, even if that person turns out to not be their soul mate, and seem comfortable pursuing shorter term relationships with women that may or may not turn into something longer term.
While I don’t advocate being dishonest about what you’re looking, there is something to be said about being open to the process of meeting people. Someone may not turn out to be a love interest, but they may down the road turn out to be a really good friend or a valuable business contact.
It’s important to start looking at dating as a process – a process of getting to know other people, and in the process gaining a better understanding of yourself. Remember, the people you are attracting into your life are a mirror of who you are, and what’s going on inside of you. Each person you meet is an opportunity for you to reflect on where you’re at, and what you need to work on to move to the level you want to be on.
When you approach dating as an opportunity to meet new people, for growth you take the pressure off each potential date needing to be your soul mate. And when you approach dating in a relaxed, confident demeanour, you increase the chances that bring the person you’re looking for, into your life.
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