HRH The Duchess of Sussex turns 38 today! And in honour I thought I’d do a blog on lessons we’ve learned from her love story. Here’s hoping it inspires you to find yours.
1. Don’t Wait for Someone Else to be Happy
Remember The Tig? Meghan Markle’s blog that urged us to “be the change we wish to see in the world”. It was my only go to celebrity blog because it had a lot of important messages. The most beautiful was a message to all singles, but especially to women. In a world that seems to promote the idea of frantically and desperately finding someone (anyone) to attach yourself to, to avoid being alone, The Tig taught us that we don’t have to search for the bee, if we blossom fully enough, the bee will find us.
Her real life love story mimicked all the messages she preached to us on her social media. We heard the wisdom of lessons learned from her articles on The Tig, and saw the happy balance of a full life through her instagram account. Her social media was plastered with messages of pursuing a healthy lifestyle, eating good food, indulging in amazing travel destinations, and nurturing intimate relationships. In life, we always attract around us according to what’s inside us. If we desperately focus on not being alone, we attract desperate loneliness. If we focus on finding just anyone, we’ll attract someone who eventually falls short of our standards. But if we focus on healing our past, and becoming that person that deep down we know we were born to be, then we attract into our life that person with whom we always dreamed of being.
2. Sometimes the Risk is Worth it
I’ve had my share of long distance relationships that have ended badly. So much so that I’m almost tempted to say that long distance relationships don’t work.
I said almost.
The thing is, functional long distance relationships share the same components as any other functional relationship. You need time to get to know each other; you need to see each other in a variety of different situations and around a variety of people to truly know each other; you have to be equally committed to the relationship and share the same long term relationship goals; you need to be willing to share (or at least to work on sharing) the same values. The only difference, and the key to a successful long distance relationship is there has to be a plan to end the distance.
Very often, people in long distance relationships make the same mistake as others –they ignore red flags and don’t take time to get to know each other before making a commitment. The difference is, when you’re in a long distance relationship, you give a lot more, and have a lot more to loose.
Fortunately for Meghan and Harry, they did their long distance relationship the right way. They were clear about what they were looking for in a potential mate. They dated long distance for a year, but took the time to get to know one another by seeing each other every two weeks, and speaking often. He spent time in her environment, and she in his. And after a year, they made a plan for her to move to England.
3. Anybody can be a Princess
We’ve all had those moments in relationships where we fear everything will end in doom. At times, there may be a hundred and one reasons why a relationship seems impossible – culture, distance, race, religion and class just to name a few. But when the core values of the two involved are the same, the love between them can overcome most obstacles.
Have there been 2 people who have come from more different worlds than Meghan and Harry? And yet the things that bind them seem to be stronger than the things that should separate them. Both have a soft heart for the poor, both are family oriented , both socially conscious, both obviously smitten J. People say that opposites attract. In my opinion opposite personalities attract, opposite worlds, maybe. But opposite morals, values, ethics and standards -in the long term- will definitely repel.
4. Marriage = 1 Complete Person + 1 Complete Person
Who could ever forget Jerry Maguire’s famous and forever quotable line “You complete me”. But in real life, the best relationships happen when two people come together already complete. Working on yourself while you’re single, living your best life is the best way to ensure that when you finally meet the one, you’re able to give the best of yourself to them.
Before she met Harry, Meghan pulled herself out of a marriage that wasn’t working, had a full career, a side hustle (The Tig) that she was passionate about, and a couple of causes close to her heart (being an ambassador for the UN and World Vision). Harry ditched his bad boy image also started focusing on giving back to the world by focusing on causes he loved (the Invictus Games, climate change), and they started working on passion projects together before they were even married.
5. Believe in Happily Ever After
Remember, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you believe. So instead of believing its too late, its not possible, you’ll never have it, believe in love, in fairy tales, in happily ever after. And if all else fails, please believe this one true thing – you deserve love, and you will get it.