Heartbreak was heard all around the world last September 13 when Justin Bieber married Hailey Baldwin in a private court ceremony. Up until that moment, many Jelena fans still held onto hope that Justin and Selena would eventually reconcile.
But not me.
I was still fascinated by the fact that Selena had already called it quits on almost 10 years of a toxic relationship that many people (including her) mistook for love. (Read my blog post on How To Know if You're in a Health Relationship to find out more about healthy vs. toxic relationships).
See if we are to believe the reports we were hearing, Selena had ended the relationship between herself and Justin a few months prior to him moving on with Hailey. We were already hearing her say things like she wished the term Jelena (a mix of the name Justin and Selena) would die, long before the Biebers even wed. Now, I don't know if she would have been able to stay firm to her decision to move on if Justin hadn't married Hailey and killed the possibility of reconciliation once and for all, but thank God for her he did. The end result seems to be a woman who is more confident, self assured and unwilling to endure being treated badly ever again.
And I love it.
In appreciation of what she's overcome, and her new videos "Lose You to Love Me" and "Look at Her Now", I thought I'd do a post on 5 reasons why Selena is our #selfesteemgoals.
1. She Recognized the Toxicity of the Relationship and Ended it
Now Selena doesn't get full credit for this. Most of her family and friends seemed to be there to remind her about Justin's past behaviour when she and he rekindled their romance in October of 2017. Remember this article on Selena and her mother around that time?
And who can forget the quote from one of her family members that Justin was "vile" and her associating with him was "not only disrespectful to those around her, but also disrespectful to herself"?
All that being said, the relationship could not have ended until she made the decision to do so. In current interviews for her new music video's, Selena has used the term "toxic" to describe the up and down, back and forth relationship she was in with Justin, and how she needed and wanted it to end. Recognition is the first step to moving forward.
2. She Sought Help from Professionals
Selena has never shied away from being open about her struggles with anxiety and depression. And though she has always connected her breakdowns with her lupus, her stints into rehab always seemed to happen suspiciously close to major issues with Justin.
I have always said, and will always say, getting help from a professional/person of wisdom when you're struggling mentally can mean the difference between being stuck with emotional issues for 5 years, or working through those same issues in 5 months.
3. She Surrounded Herself with an Amazing Support System
In another interview promoting her new singles, Selena spoke about how bestie Taylor Swift and her mother cried when they first heard the song "Loose You to Love Me". She also discussed the support she received from Taylor and her other friends throughout her relationship with Justin.
She [Taylor] was frustrated when I was frustrated, she was sad
when I was sad, but more than anything, my friends stood by my
side. When I think they visibly saw me in so much pain, they didn't
want it for me, but they never stopped loving me
No one is an island, and when you're struggling with a difficult situation like a toxic relationship, you're going to need the support of people who will love you without judgement. The Beatles said it best, "I get by with a little help from my friends."
4. She Moved Forward with Insight and Peace
In yet another promotional interview, Selena talked about how difficult it was watching in the media while Justin move forward with his life post break up -getting back together with Hailey, getting engaged and then married within a few months of them ending things. She added though, that she felt it was important to allow them their moment to enjoy life and how she kept quiet on social media, with her music and in the public to allow them a chance to do that.
And when asked if she hopes her "ex" would listen to her new songs, she very firmly replied yes. But not out of malice or spite. She explained
For me, my intentions are never evil. They just aren’t, I don’t
even know how to do that. My intentions can be a bit snappy
but I always want to come from a place that’s genuine, and
when I feel like some things haven’t been said, then I get to
turn things into art
Speaking your truth is always an important part of moving away from the past. When done the right way, it helps alleviate anger and minimizes the possibility that those feelings will lead to depression. I'm glad Selena was able to find a way to express hers.
5. She Reignited Her Purpose
Possibly the best lines (though there are many beautiful ones) in the song "Lose You to Love Me" is when Selena states " You set fire to my purpose and I let it burn". I'd say one of the most devastating things about being in a toxic relationship is how quickly you get off track from the goals and dreams you have for yourself. It seems you spend all your time and energy either dealing with the relationship, or the stress, anxiety and depression it leaves you with.
One of my favorite quotes is "the broken become masters at mending". I think If you can channel the pain of past experiences to propel you to your goals, then you' understand the true purpose of pain. Better still, if you can use that pain to help channel others to their goals, your on your way to discovering your true purpose.
After a short break from the music world and a whirlwind of emotions over the past year, it seem that Selena is on her way back to reigniting her purpose.
And I have to say, we love looking at her now.
#SelenaGomez #LookAtHerNow #HaileyBieber #HaileyBaldwin #JustinBieber #Selena #LoseYoutoLoveMe #Jelena #SelfEsteem #ToxicRelationships #HealthyRelationshps #ExcellentLove #BolaFavorIfe #Love #Relationships #CelebrityNews #NewMusic #TaylorSwift #Support #Friendship #Pupose